Therapy for the Undead
by MillenniumKitten
Summary: For Vincent the worst thing in the world is being bored. Day and night he finds that his immortal life is taking a toll on his thoughts and actions. Lydia, his 'fiance' has a cure for his seemingly never ending bored times: Therapy with a human therapist. Listen to the drabbles of a vampire with way too much time on his hands as he goes on and on about Lydia and life in general.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own the sims by any means.**

**Hey! My friend got me to buy the Sims 3 Supernatural expansion. Needless to say that I love it and walah this is what popped out of that thing I call of brain. Please enjoy!**

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Session 1: The Ringleader and the Lion

"I bite my girlfriend."

"E-Excuse me?" The man sitting in the chair with his legs crossed, pushes up his glasses, confused. It didn't occur to Vincent until now that this might seem a little off to…well the normal everyday human.

"I bite my girlfriend…that's why I'm here…I think." Vincent frowns. To be honest the real reason why he was here was because said girlfriend was no doubt bored out of her cute little mind. She _wanted_ to mess with him and by making him an appointment with a _human_ therapist she thought she was messing with him. If it was amusement she sought then it was amusement that he shall deliver to her on a silver platter.

"Do you bite her out of an act of…sexuality?" This time it's the therapist frowns.

Vincent's frown becomes a smile. "Sometimes. In fact just thinking about last night makes me want to go home and bite her once more…mmmm…" Just imagining his fangs dipping into her lovely milky white neck was making him anxious. If she wanted to play games then there was going to be a penalty game. "Have you met my…fiancé?" Saying girlfriend was a bit…odd to him.

In the town where they live they play house so to say.

"Fiancé? If I remember correctly she's a charming young girl with red hair…wears a top hat. To be honest she reminds me of a circus ringleader."

_I couldn't have put it better myself…a ring leader and I am her lion._

"So Vincent," The man leans forward with his hands firmly laced together. Like every other human Vincent has encountered he's very stupid…or rather oblivious. "If she requested you to be here don't you think that she's sending you a sign that she wants the biting to stop?"

"On the contrary Mister…oh whatever. She hardly wants it to stop in fact this entire charade is merely her way of amusing herself while she mulls through her studying. In fact I'm willing to bet that she's at home giggling right now…" Sitting on her bed with a book in her lap, her eyes on the magic mirror to see him messing with this therapist. "I hope she's looking forward to my return."

"Vincent this entire conversation is confidential." The human wrinkles his nose. He wasn't exactly sure what to make of his new client.

Vincent shrugs. "Sir…if I may ask…do you love your wife?"

"Of course I do…but I don't bite her." He makes a joke out of it.

Vincent smirks. "I don't love Lydia."

"You don't? Does Lydia know this?"

"Of course she does. I do not love her but I find her amusing. Her entire existence is dedicated to amusing me and finding new ways to entertain me. The day she fails to do that…will be the day that the girl called Lydia will fail to exist. I want nothing more than to live my life full of entertainment with her being the center of my universe." Vincent nods. That sounded about right to him, having her run around in his little cage was what she did best. She danced between the bars, sometimes grabbing one to spin around on it.

Yes…that was Lydia.

"That's love…"

"No it's not," Vincent contradicts. "If it were love then I wouldn't mind if she failed to meet my expectations."

Lydia has never failed to meet his expectations, on the contrary she's gone above them.

"Honey I'm hooooome-"

He has to duck to avoid a bottle being whipped right at his head. What was intended for his face, hits the mail box exploding into a mixture of sharp glass and a fizzy blue liquid. Sleep elixir…

"Naughty, naughty Lydia. If you wanted to see me lye on the floor then you could have just said something." Vincent flashes her his signature smirk, it was practically made for the fiery red head that plays his 'wife to be'.

She stands at the top of the stairs with nothing in her tiny hands. Having watched his entire therapy session from the comfort of her bedroom she had finally conjured a plan for the day. It started with the sleeping elixir but had gone up in smoke…or rather broken glass. If looks could kill…

"Welcome home! How was therapy?" She tilts her head. By all means the top hat should have fallen off due to gravity…it was as if it was super glued to her head.

"Wonderful. We talked about you and how I love to bite you…which is apparently due to sexual frustrations. Wonderful isn't it? I thought so. How was your alone time?"

"I spent it missing you naturally. Or that's what a normal wife would say…" From the air pops a book labeled 'The Desperate House Wife'. She flips it to a page that pleases her, nods to herself for a moment. The book is gone in a flash as if it were never there. "Oh my darling! I'm so glad that your home! Every second that you're away is like a year! Please don't ever leave me!"

Worse than a drama, she throws herself at Vincent who catches her. It's almost been routine for her to look up pathetic things like this and show him what he's missing. Some of the things she would do makes him want to retch, others not so much. He could definitely get used to this throwing herself at him thing. "Is dinner ready?"

"Crap…" Lydia sighs. Dinner. Right. It wasn't something that she was used to conjuring. "I'll get on it!" From her pocket she whips out her wand and heads off to the kitchen her hips sashaying along with her. Watching her work was like watching a man slip on marbles.

Everything flies out at once, a whisk begins beating some eggs, a frying pan begins to butter itself and so on.

Lydia is a marvelous cook.

Cooking is second nature to her; usually she's upstairs brewing potions and reading. Having the best ingredients was everything to her.

"Hello vampire…I mean father." From her bedroom emerges a blue haired girl, her red wings flashing with the lights. She doesn't seem too pleased to see him in the house, she hardly does. "Did the humans label you as psychotic?"

"They told me I need to work on my biting habits…"

"Good, it's disgusting." The child of the house is none other than Alexandria. A 300 year old fairy looking for a way to undo her curse. Some time ago a witch had cursed her with the body of a child; she's spent the last 100 years looking for a way to reverse it.

She's also openly rude to Vincent, choosing to stick close to Lydia in high hopes that Lydia finally restores her to her normal self. Lydia wasn't the one to cast the spell but she readily accepted the challenge of figuring out how to reverse it or better yet: find the one who dared to do this to the young girl.

"My apologies for not snacking on fruits and vegetables. Lydia! Alexandria is being mean again…" Vincent raises an eyebrow to Alexandria who only sticks her child tongue out.

Lydia however wasn't amused. As the 'mother' of the house it was her duty to make sure that her 'child' behaves. "You will respect your father."

"I will not!"

"Then you will do the dishes…by hand!"

A look of pure horror crosses Alexandria's pretty face. "I love you vampire…I mean father…"

"Better…squirt." Even Vincent was trying. He was mostly doing it to annoy the young girl. It worked, Alexandria shakes her head and storms back into her bedroom where she would no doubt stay for the rest of the night.

"By hand huh? You're a scary girl." Vincent whispers into the young witch's ear. His hands go to her shoulders but not for long for her soon finds a wand in his face.

"Vampire, please refrain from touching me while out of the public eye. I'll play along with you but on my own turns…we both agreed to that a long time ago." The first day that Lydia had met Vincent they had bonded each other to one another for selfish reasons. She needed money to fund her business and he needed her to shove off his boredom for that was a vampire's true weakness.

"That's funny…minutes ago you had thrown yourself at me."

"You were a good boy at therapy." Was her answer.

Vincent pouts. "But I'm hungry! The good boy wants food, not hugs."

"There's a juice box in the fridge."

".." Juice box…warm blood tastes so much better.

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**Updated whenever. Probably once a week depending on how much stuffs I've got to do. I hope that you find Vincent just as charming as I do.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Discliamer: I do NOT own Sims**

**Hey! Here's the next chapter.**

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Session 2: Nervous

"I love it how Lydia thinks she can pull a fast one on me!"

"Oh…what did she do?"

"Just the usual. Last night she 'accidently' set my bed ablaze! Can you imagine the horrified look on her face when I pulled out a bucket of water from beneath my bed? Silly girl…" It was clear as day to Vincent that no, this human could not imagine. He probably couldn't even fathom why one would need to keep a bucket of water underneath their bed.

It was just a precaution Vincent has learned to take whilst living with a slightly crazy witch. Vincent knew to keep his doors locked, a bucket of water underneath his bed, and his shoes on top of a very high shelf. He knew to watch his drinks closely and to never enter her room without announcing his presence to her first.

One instance had him pinned against a wall with a steak knife through his red shirt. It had nearly taken his ear off.

"So are you trying to tell me that she's threatening your life?"

"Not threatening or anything like that! She's merely just having some fun…as if she could threaten my life! The very thought makes me want to laugh!" In fact he did laugh, just a little to perhaps irritate the therapist. "Although…if she did threaten my life then that would most certainly make it interesting. I would love for her to come at me with enough passion and drive to want to kill me…"

Little shivers ripple through his skin as he imagines her raw and beautiful, a murderous look on her pale face. She would no doubt lunge at him her wand waving rapidly as she shouts the words of the ancient.

What could he do or say that would make her mad enough to wish him dead? The thought was certainly intriguing to the vampire.

"Now why would you want her to do that?"

"Why? Oh yes…for the simple reason that when Lydia is angry," Vincent lets out a sigh that went as far as the street. "She is the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on."

"Honey I'm hoooooome~" The door flies open and there's Lydia in an apron sitting on the floor with her hands folded neatly on her exposed legs. She smiles politely at him and clears her voice. It's another game.

"Welcome home darling! Would you like dinner, a bath, or perhaps you'd like…" Her cheeks tint the color of rose petals and for a moment he wonders if that's real. "Me."

"I've always found it horrible that a man can't have all three at once."

"Wow! My husband is a very selfish man indeed." Lydia springs to her feet, brushing off her already spotless apron. She looks approvingly at Vincent who can't keep his eyes off her. Her apron is strategic. It's frilly and exposes just the right amount of skin, paired with her red shorts this was a dangerous combo for any male. "Anyway I have your dinner!" From the fridge she pulls out yet another plasma juice.

_Great…_ "Couldn't you have made something a bit more…fancy and elaborate?"

"Sure! One second." She has to get up on her tiptoes to reach the cupboards. From them a crystal glass appear. The juice goes into the glass and presto! It's fancy. "Your dinner…"

"I'd rather have you."

"Ah, ah, ah. I gave you a choice but you couldn't choose fast enough. Sorry my darling." Lydia winks and it's about the cutest thing he's ever seen. "Now if you don't mind, I need to go and study for a while. Tonight I plan on cooking up something special!"

Translation: Sleep with one eye open.

Vincent sulks as he swirls the red juice in the crystal glass. It's almost annoying considering how there's a lovely piece of fresh meat dancing about upstairs. He could easily drink from her…if only she lost her pretty little wand. She'd no doubt turn him into a toad later.

"Quit sulking it's depressing." Across the table sits Alexandria. She doesn't look impressed by a long shot.

"Your one to talk _little girl_."

"At least I'm not pinning over a piece of ass!"

"Don't you have something to do? Like homework perhaps."

If lightning could zap between people's eyes then it certainly would be zapping right now. Vincent wanted nothing more than to toss this child out in the cold. She has already made it perfectly clear that she can take care of herself.

Alexandria hates playing a child. The homework gave her no problem it was just really annoying when she wants things that only adults can have. Like nectar. She really liked nectar.

"Fine," Alexandria huffs. She crosses her cute _tiny_ little arms and heads straight for her bedroom. That's where the little demon…fairy usually sits. "Don't come crying to me when you're a toad later…although it's not much of an upgrade-"

"YOU WITCH!"

"You called?" Lydia sticks her pretty little head downstairs. She's changed into a thin tight fitting red dress. Black leggings disappear under it and into black combat boots." What is it? Didn't I say that I'm busy?"

"I just wanted to see your lovely face once more…" He could have sworn he saw it. Just a little pink on her cheeks before she stormed back upstairs spouting off names of ingredients. She only does this when she's nervous. Vincent had made her nervous and he loved it.

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	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Sims 3**

**XD**

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**Session 3: Distractions and Conditions**

"Do tell me, what's Lydia up to now? Something nasty I presume considering how you're awfully quiet." The man leans forward, his fingers laced together as he speaks to the sulking vampire. It's rare for Vincent to stay quiet when Lydia's gone and done something, his guess was that she might have actually broke up with him or called a child.

"…"

"I can't help you if you don't tell me Vincent-"

"That's so cliché." Vincent rolls his marble eyes. That was just like a therapist to say something like that!

"It's cliché for a reason Vincent." A smile.

Vincent frowns, he hates losing like this. "Fine. She brought something home the other day and I don't very much care for it!"

"Like a kitty cat?"

"A feline. No, not a feline. If it was a feline then I wouldn't mind so much. No…it's a ummmm…" More frowning. He finds himself a bit stuck, this hardly happens. It's difficult to explain though, this thing that she's brought home. "Horse of some sorts…."

"A horse? Horses are nice."

"Not this horse." No this horse is certainly not nice. In fact he dares to say that it's….nasty. Just nasty in general, he hates the damn thing! "Listen…"

"What in the _hell_ is that thing doing in my yard…eating my carrots?" He couldn't believe and he certainly wasn't liking the fact that _she_ was on top of the damn thing petting it like they're best friends. His arms cross in that 'I'm so not happy right now' way.

"Oh please you hate carrots." The thing lets out a neigh as if to agree with her before leaning down to dig it up and munch some more.

With each crunch he twitches. "That's not the point and you know it! That thing is in my yard eating my food supply and making itself very comfortable. I don't like it. Do. Not. Like. It. As my future wife we've agreed that you are to discuss important matters with me."

"It's not important really! I mean it's a horse…"

"Not important? You've been hypnotized by a horse with a horn on its head! If that isn't important then I don't know what is!" That little vixen.

Unicorns, they say that they have the power to bless people and bring happiness onto the world. All Vincent sees when he looks at them is a broken lawn mower that poops everywhere and takes up space.

Needless to say he wants it gone…now.

"Calm down she's cute. Right Coco?"

_Coco…great she's gone and named it Coco of all things!_ "Lydia-"

"It's staying." They lock eyes and a magical battle goes on between them. One that she's clearly winning but he's stubborn. If the damn thing is to stay then it will be staying on his terms. These terms are not negotiable.

"It stays in the back yard and the first time I step in crap then it's gone. Capiche?"

"That's such an odd little word." She snickers. Coco nuzzles into her open palm happy to have settled this matter. And that ends the matter.

At least he shares his hatred with another being in the household. "I wanted a lizard."

"Haven't I already told you to go look in the mirror?" Vincent smirks, the fairy glares back at him. The horse is something that he can't deal with; Alexandria is something he certainly can. "When you're older I'll get you a lizard-"

"I'll kill you with this spoon!" She shouts lunging at him with the spoon she had been using to eat pudding with. "Vampires are always so arrogant!"

He hardly has to move to avoid her tiny little body. She's cute the way her blue hair flies after her as she tries to hit him. To think that she's actually trying to land a hit on him! Hilarious! All he'd have to do is take her by her pretty little hair and tie her to a flag post or something.

"Now, now Alexandria be nice to your father." Lydia hoists herself down from the black beauty. She's in no hurry to leave her majestic friend but the neighbors could be watching, time to put on airs. "All mommy has ever wanted is for you two to get along."

"There is no being _nice_ to _that_." Alexandria snarls. She shoves her spoon in one of her large red pockets. Arguing with Lydia is never any fun, especially while she's acting.

"Likewise you little demon." Lately Alexandria has been his source of entertainment. Lydia has been holed up in her little room mixing elixirs and practicing her magic, it's really quite boring but there can be worse people to have to rely on.

Lydia is far more entertaining.

"MY HAIR IS NOT HAY YOU GOD FORSAKEN THING-OWWWW!" Despite how funny it is hearing that from him, this is probably one of the worst experiences in Vincent's long lived life. Never has he ever had his beautiful golden hair been chomped on by a bloody horse! "Useless animal!" Vincent waves his arms about trying to get the animal to let go.

"Coco, let go of the waving vamp-"

"Eat him! Eaaat hiiiiiiiim!" Alexandria whoops.

Lydia sighs, she snaps her fingers once and the unicorn let's go. Naturally Vincent scrambles away from the damn beast. He hates it even more now. "I want it gone! Now!"

"I don't remember 'eating my hair' being one of your criteria's. Coco is staying!"

She really doesn't ask for much, so he hates having to tell her no but this thing was just unacceptable. It's already proven that this relationship is clearly not going to work. Never. "No-"

"Oh please! Oh pretty pleeeeeaseeeee." She wraps her arms around his waist and buries the side of her head in his abs. Snuggling close; he can feel his entire body go tense as her pleas vibrate through him. It's _very_ distracting.

"I…I guess." He scratches her head as she 'yippees' and pecks his cheek before prancing off to comb the beast's mane.

"You're pathetic." Alexandria snorts before heading inside to do God knows what.

He couldn't agree more.

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**Guess who got a Unicorn? I got one and was like 'yaaaaay...how do you take care of a horse?'**

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